Monday, August 01, 2005
Only 4 more weeks to go! My patience is wearing thin. What is the only driving force for me now? My frustration was probably my body's inability to keep up with my physical demands. I am frustrated with my slow physical progress, why the heck can't I do a backflip? I think by now my legs should have enough power. It's already been 2 years! I just can't muster enough guts to cross the fear barrier. My first jump will either be successful or I break my neck and become crippled for life.
If I am successful, then my physical progress will leapfrog in leaps and bounds in quantum steps. If I fail, that's the end. The thing is, when can I do it? Or when will I dare to do it? It's damn frustrating to have be stagnant for so long with no noticeable progress. I'm being held back!
Then am I saying my body cannot handle the physical demands of work? Why am I feeling so tired all the time? Nuclear battery. What a joke. Injuries everywhere, backache probably due to spinal compression, pulled right thigh muscle, twisted ankle, multiple abrasions and bruises on lower extremities. It's a constant uphill struggle and I can't seem to get anything else extra done. I have to start sacrificing what's important to me in order to continue feeding the ever-mounting demands. Is my body telling me I can't do it? I'll never accept that as an excuse!
Things like sacrificing outings with friends and giving lame shallow excuses. At this rate I am going to lose the friends that I've worked hard to hold on to. I have lost many and I am going to lose another. Dammit, will others ever understand? It's all my fault isn't it? The reprecussion effects of the sudden surging breakdown in my social integrity is the cumulative buildup of social tension due to the negative effects of personal mismanagement.
I've bitten the bullet and declined two outings in the last 2 days by 2 friends. All because of what? And from that decision I've lost more than I've gained.
There's no one else to blame but myself.
But I've got friends right? With each fall, I pick myself up and try all over again.
11:05 PM
