Thursday, August 11, 2005
Today's training was totally screwed up. Not only did I not achieve my personal target of my share of stunts and self-improvement techniques, it was completely screwed up with no progress at all. What the heck was I doing during the whole training? I feel that I am stagnating in my skills and abilities while others surge ahead with their skills. I need to see improvement! Power! Progress!
Not only that, I think it's a damn conspiracy, everytime I am so eager to run with them on the track, cold water is just poured like no tomorrow. When I run with them, they deliberately run slow, when I join them, they deliberately stop. F***, it's just so damn irritating, and to compound that, whenever I am optimistic and brimming with enthusiasm and energy, I am maligned as being hyperactive and "crazy". Goddammit. I am CRAZY Right? Insane, mad, psychotic, self-delusional hyper-maniac.
Right now I don't feel so bonded with the club anymore, it's slowly detiorating, oh hell ya, I tried my very best to hold it together, since when am I irresponsible? Did I not do my job in the comm? Uphold my responsibilites and come for every single training? Am I an irresponsible person when it concerns my comm post in the club? Then why am I treated like an outsider? A nobody.
Ok fine, so just tell me that you don't want me to run with you guys, and I won't.
Then it's dinner time, yeah, I am so happy and looking forward to it because these days we have one big group strength all going for dinner together. United group.
Today that didn't happen. I don't know WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. WTF One moment we were one large big group, the next moment, one large group of more than 15 suddenly
disintegrated into nothingness. First people just disappeared, when I went back to ask, they weren't interested, mumbling something about being tired, Oh hell ya, I am tired as well! Yet no one said they weren't eating till the very last second! Then the moment I turned around there was no one! I was so pissed.
WTF One large group
vaporized. No word, no notice, nothing. Just go ahead and disappear.
What's the point of me looking forward to a nice group dinner and waiting for everyone when no one cares? Just disappear like that and give others the impression that dinner is at hand huh. There's no point waiting for others for so long anymore because no one cares.
dammit man. Don't bother waiting for others anymore coz they won't wait for you.
It's late, I'm tired, and dinner was damn disappointing.
11:03 PM
