Tuesday, October 25, 2005
I am beginning to feel the effects of fatigue from working 12-18hrs a day. Neglecting my health, fitness, friends and loved ones. Today I went to school, worked half-heartedly, feeling rather desolate at the magnitude of obstacles before me that I have to overcome. They went for lunch and I've already long decided to stay alone.
I am working way past the physical limits of my tolerance. Everyone has their limits and I am encroaching mine. I just wonder how much more abuse can my body take before it gives way. But what the hell right? It's not like I've never been beaten before. Just how much more can I truly take? I've yet to see significant progress and time and time again I question myself. What truly drives me? What pushes me to do what I am doing now? What am I even doing now? I will continue to forge ahead till I hit an impenetrable barrier. But nothing is impossible and I have to do what I must.
Then after school, I braved my tired and exhausted soul to do what I must, only to be met with failure. It wasn't a total loss. I am numbed by failure.
I don't even feel human anymore.
11:56 PM
