Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I apologize for the lack of posts, but these few days I've been extremely busy, attending meetings and such, and I haven't had the time to update my readers on my Sabah trip. But rest assured, they'll come as soon as I've settled down.
Meanwhile here's a quick vibe of Singapore to appease your patience.
Adapted from Today, Mr Brown.
It's the season of the Great Singapore COE SalePlunging COE prices are sending Singaporeans delirious, but wait…
The COE has recently dropped sharply to between $11,000 and $12,000, much to the delight of many motorists.
If a foreigner were to see our faces now, he would ask, "Why are you Singaporeans so happy?"
"Because the COE dropped to the $11,000 range, so cheap! It used to cost as high as $35,000!" We would reply.
"What is this COE?" The foreigner would ask.
"It is a piece of paper that lets you buy a car to drive for 10 years! $11,000, wow, so cheap!"
"You mean it does not include the car itself?" The foreigner would look increasingly surprised.
"No, it is a piece of paper. $11,000 is really cheap for that piece of paper, ok?" says the happy Singaporean.
No wonder Singapore only got 54th place in a survey that graded the world's most liveable cities.
The research firm must have taken one look at the price of our cars and downgraded us on the spot.
As someone once joked, in Malaysia, they had to invest millions to produce the National Car, Proton, to sell it for $30,000. All Singapore needed to do was to sell the paper that lets you buy the car.
Who needs a national car when you can sell the national Piece of Paper to Buy a Car? Before you run our to put your money down on that new MPV, though, one needs to consider the many costs of car ownership in Singapore.
Yes, gentle reader, the cost of owning a car is more than just your monthly loan instalment. No matter what the car salesman would like you to believe. ("Mr Lee, see? $600 a month only!")
I mean, have you seen the price of petrol lately? Nowadays when you go to the petrol pump, and the attendant asks you if you want gold or Platinium, it really feels like you are paying for real Gold and real Platinium. It is enough to make you ask him, "Uncle, got Aluminium petrol or not?"
He would probably say, "Aluminium? Please
lah, even HDB is asking for Stainless steel, and you are asking for Aluminium? "
I remember buying Premium grade petrol, because I believed it made my car faster. Now with these prices, I am just looking for the cheapest grade my car can take without knocking. Point-A-to-Point-B grade petrol will do, thank you very much.
It's not like Singapore cars are meant to last more than 10 years anyway. And it's not like I can drive very fast these days too.
How to drive fast, I ask you? The traffic police are now armed with mobile cameras. There are jams caused by the morning rush hour, evening rush hour, the endless road works, and the never-ending circle line works.
Paya Lebar is not even a road to me anymore. Every few weeks, I find that the road has changed. Detours and turns appear overnight. I don't think there is even a part of the Paya Lebar stretch that is straight right now. I drive in a wavy manner to work every morning. I feel like I am in a computer game.
I have a theory why Microsoft did not do a map for Singapore in their Xbox driving game project Gotham Racing 2.
That console game had detailed racing maps for Hong Kong, Japan, Europe and the United States, but none for Singapore. Why?
Because gamers would never be able to race on a Singapore road.
Their virtual Aston Martins and Ferraris would be caught in a jam and they would be confused by the ever-changing road diversions.
And so what if you car is cheaper to buy? Would you be able to drive it anywhere without paying some kind of ERP fee in future?
They already made Orchard Road a separate ERP zone that lasts till the evening. Don’t laugh, you, that guy staying in Punggol – your turn next.
There is no such thing as a free lunch in Singapore. If the COE goes down, your costs will go up somewhere else.
Who knows, if the COE becomes too cheap, and we lose too much tax revenue, we may need to introduce the COE for the COE – Certificate of Entitlement to buy the Certificate of Entitlement.
So listen to me, don’t go rushing out to buy a new car, thereby driving up the COE prices again. It is very expensive to drive in Singapore; take more public transport.
If you need anymore convincing, look for me. I will be at a car showroom with the other 500,000 Singaporeans, looking for a car that will run on Aluminium grade petrol.
Mr Brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He believes that Singapore will feature in the next tinstalment of the driving game, Project Gotham Traffic Jam.
10:58 PM
