Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Deep Deepavali ThoughtsI guess it's time for me to blog again, blogging has taken a public taboo recently with all the racism and breach of trust policy scandals. Well blogging is a form of personal self-expression. The media in Singapore is extremely controlled under the reins of the government, no wonder putting us ranked 140th out of 167th in terms of media freedom in the global ranking. Why am I even bitching? Shouldn't all Singaporeans be docile and listen to the government because they want the best for us with the Singapore 2020 vision? All government policies are "for the best and well-being of all Singaporeans", which is true, but doesn't that make us babies? Every time I read about some commentary I can't help it but wonder at ourselves.
I am encroaching on dangerous territory here. I may get arrested tomorrow. We have people complaining that the ad stickers on buses make the windows dark and hard to see out of, and people miss their stops, we have people complaining about the mrt, people complaining about practically everything there is to complain about. Ok what is one single pathetic groundless voice going to do to policies? Nothing, I am just a minute voice in a sea of 4 million with just a nameless addition to statistic.
Ok enough about that, I am not complaining, it's just what is this world coming too. Global pollution, another war in Sudan, another terrorist attack in New Delhi, more devastation to natural disasters. Here I am wondering what's the meaning to my life.
Today is a public holiday. I had no choice but to reject an invitation to go out to nurse my injury. Twisted ankle, what's new? Pain will always be a part and parcel of life. It's the emotional scars that can never truly heal. Still I recollected all the relationships that I had ever had, the happy moments in my life. Swallowed eternally by a growing black hole that threatens to void the very reason for my existence. I remembered the happy times I had in the once-happy relationships that I had. I remember the relationship I am having now. The friends I have, the friends I have made and those who can no longer be considered friends.
I guess that's another part of life. More friends will be lost with each passing segment in your life. Every step you take, every milestone you make, every stone turned, every major event in your life will come with joy and the pain of loss.
I stayed at home today, conveniently working on my project. The report is complete, I spent quite a lot of time on it. People go "wow" at the report. So what? It's just goddamn words sweetened to make the whole affair sound incredible and life-changing. Big-fat-deal. It says "lifesaver watch", so where's the watch? Where's the damn watch? So what if I had a flashy report? Dammit, whattheheck have I been doing all the while? Haven't I been working hard? Then why don't I see any positive returns? Where is the incredible product that I've been talking about!? Time to stop playing a fool and time to work even harder, so what if you had a report, but no hardware to show for it? I am so embarrassed every time someone asks me how is my project going on. I have nothing to show for it.
I wonder what the hell am I even doing right now. This is going to be a busy week.
7:28 PM
