Friday, November 04, 2005
Today was a waste of time, actually I feel fine, but I don't know why I feel hostile. Are they true? I can't sense any ulterior motives in her actions towards me though, but still I will keep my guard up. What's wrong?
Ever feel that life is overwhelmingly hopeless?
Ever feel like crying all the time?
You may be suffering from depression. Get help today.
Screw that.
I did some work, and left early. I didn't talk much today, didn't feel like saying much either. It's so unlike me isn't it? But my absence will be a welcome blessing in their presence.
I did what I had to do later, it was such a waste though but not a big loss, I'll attempt it again next week, maybe I'll do leave earier like today, it's for the better. There's nothing to be happy about, today wasn't too bad and my mood was pretty much stable. Theres no one to share with. Just myself. I was alone, but I didn't feel it. Maybe I'm already numb to it.
Loneliness will always be with me, it's my fate and destiny.
Actually someone asked me before "what about you?"
"What about me?"
Do I even have any feelings at all? even if a little bit. I searched my heart and no I don't have. In fact I am very happy for them. It's fate. I know I am not capable of what's expected of me. So I'll rather not spread my misery and continue to accept my fate. People even question my ability to complete my ambitious project.
It hurts to see the lack of confidence my own friends have in me! Faltering faith. Doubts. They eventually lead to dissenion, suspicion and eventually betrayal.
The dreams I have recently haven't been pleasant. The same scene flashes over and over again and I wake up in cold sweat. If I fail, my partner fails. I cannot allow that to ever happen!
Lightning steaks across the skies
Raging storms across the oceans tears apart my day
You're all I had,
Something strange has taken tomorrow away,
I get the feeling that I'm left with a deeper scar.
Lonely in my heart,
Heavens falls as I reach for the sky
Caught in a spell of this heartache for a million nights
So let me out in the moonlight,
Let me breathe
Your love has left with the wind
The pouring rain at my doorstep is saying to me,
"Oh where oh where can I voice my thoughts to make me complete?"
Forevermore inside, my dreams have faded away
You made me feel so small
You left a hole deep in my soul
leaving my world so cold
The flowing tears from my eyes will never put out this flame
Eternally rising up, driving me insane
The show is over, we will never be the same
When life fades to gray, Why must I pay
As you took my heart away
However my heart breaks, I still wonder why
we had to say goodbye
Help me!
I'm lonely oh so lonely...
Screw that, it's back to work.
11:22 PM
