Sunday, February 26, 2006
Studying the whole day sucks. But anyway, after much consideration, I've decided to post this story anyway, enjoy.
The knight and angel storyOnce upon a time in a place not too far away, in a time not too long ago, there was this unlikely knight, albeit lonely, but nevertheless focused and concentrated on his task and job at hand. One fine day, a plain and pleasant lady joined him at his workplace.
They did not interact for a period of time because of occupational issues and hierarchy differences. However, gradually but eventually their eyes first met. They were introduced to each other by their colleagues and soon interacted regularly. But their time spent was merely temporary. Then came a time where thy lady had to leave.
The knight did not think much of her after that; he continued his work as though she was merely a passing event in his less-than-exemplary life. But during her passing, she had given him hints of one particular knight in shining armor.
Time passed.
One day, the knight was surprised to receive a letter.
It was from her, but deep in her heart, she had never forgotten him ever since she left.
He called her his Angel to have remembered him after so long.
She wrote him a love letter,
To my dear Knight,
My knight in shining armor has the loveliest pair of eyes I've ever come across n the most dazzling smile. Always wanted to stare but didn't dare to because staring is rude.
My knight in shining armor seems rather concerned about what the King thinks about him but what he doesn't know is that the King can't hold a candle to him.
I think it's darn cute that my knight in shining armor gushes at cute children.
I just laugh whenever I hear the song lonely on the radio and hope that my knight in shining armor's coping fine with everything my knight in shining armor puts the silliest grin on my face when he announces his presence in my life.
When I said I finally knew what was missing in my life so far, I meant my knight in shining armor.
My knight in shining armor has a place in my heart and I've been praying real hard that I have a place in his too. Never had the courage to profess my feelings till maybe, now
It's been several months since I've known you and it tickles me how you went from "him" to "knight" to me.
I treasure the times spent with you, walking to the nearby villages, or traveling to the country side and riding in a caravan to another town. Somehow, when I pass by these places, the memories just flood back and I smile to myself.
When I'm with you, I just can't help but smile. I feel totally at ease and comfortable. It's not just about being myself but feeling natural and enjoying that nice, warm, stirring feeling inside. I lower my guard completely and talk to you about anything.
And you just take my breath away when you smile. You're so handsome when you smile! When cute guys walk by, maybe I can't breathe sometimes, but when I'm with you, I simply forget to breathe and I'm not bothered by that either. That's the difference between you and the eye candies. You make my heart sing. They don't even make it skip a beat.
I can't believe that someone as terrific as you exists. I must have said this many times but I still feel like the luckiest gal to be called "angel" by you.
My grades have been improving ever since you came into my life. You're my motivation to do well in my studies and my inspiration. You make me want to be a better person and I'm extremely thankful for your existence.
You're brilliant and just too humble to realize that. You are better than me in so many other ways.
I kind of wish that my castle was in next to yours, and then I can pop by when I miss you. Time just flies too fast when I'm with you! I wish it would come to a standstill, and then I can just gaze at you and be totally amazed.
There are many paths in life and I've never regretted taking the path that led me to you. The roads ahead do seem rough for us, with plenty of separations ahead but I want you to know that this relationship means something to me and that I won't just walk out of it whenever a slight problem crops up. When two people come together, friction is inevitable but it adds a whole new dimension to the relationship when the 2 people learn to accommodate compromise and as a result, understand each other more.
They say it takes a minute to like someone, an hour to have a crush on someone, a day to love someone but I know it's going to take me a lifetime to forget someone as wonderful as you.
Lotsa love,
Your angel
It was only then did the knight realize the significance of the letter. He was her knight.
The angel always believed that love was the greatest gift god gave to the knights and princesses. She thought that the special connection that brings two complete strangers together was to be treasured and honored. But the angel learnt that it was not always so.
The angel had wiped the tears of many princesses who believed in the wrong knights who toyed with their feelings, who claimed that they 'mistook infatuation for love' when they were never willing to commit in the first place. The princesses always told the angel to look before she falls in love with the wrong knight. The angel was grateful for their advice but she always wondered 'why would knights want an angel when there are princesses around?'
So the angel observed.
she realized that many knights were more obsessed with polishing their armor and were very arrogant of their knighthood when their behavior were clearly not in sync with those expected of a knight. She was shocked that there were knights around that think that princesses should worship the grounds that they walk on simply because they've gotten a knighthood.
However, there was one knight that stood out.
He didn't spend all his time polishing his amour yet his amour had the warmest glow because there was a heart of gold beneath it. The angel also realized that the knight had the most beautiful eyes simply because when she peered into them, she saw a beautiful soul. The angel admired the knight for the way he respected the dignity of the princesses and his gentlemanly ways. The knight's humility touched the angel who felt that he deserved the knighthood more than the other knights. Most importantly, the knight believed in love and refused to abuse it.
So when the knight told the angel that there was someone in his heart, the angel was so happy that the knight had found himself a princess because she felt that he, more than the rest, rightfully deserved a princess. She was eager to help him win the heart of that special princess so that he can be happy. That was how important the knight was to the angel, she'd do anything to make him happy. But the knight gave a cryptic answer towards the identity of the princess. The angel wonders how is she going to help him woo her then?
The knight was astounded at how much the angel knows him. Yes, it is true he believes in true love that should be long lasting, but how would the angel know this? They were barely together for a short period of time.
Yet the knight is not without his own mishaps with regards to matters of the heart. There are many princesses out there who have toyed with the hearts of lesser knights. There was one particular princess whom the knight fell for, thinking it would be everlasting. Yet, the princess dumped him for another knight without regard for her own selfish reasons.
The knight's armor that could withstand blows from other knights was pierced. Not by a knight, but by a princess.
The knight wondered who are the real victims? Thy knights or the princesses? The knight never fully recovered, an eternal scar marring the shine of his armor. Yet the age old wisdom mentions that "time heals all wounds"?
As the knight reads the manuscript, he wonders if the time has come for him to cast away his unhappy past and don his armor for a princess once again.
The princess in question was never meant to be. Cruel fate prevents the knight from ever seeing the lady in his heart ever again. Yet he believes it's all preordained, the person in his heart was only a brief and fleeting moment, never to be mentioned again. Yet, the knight wonders why the Angel is willing to help the knight at her own expense? After all Angels have hearts too. The knight is now wary of passing princesses, especially those who have managed to toy with the hearts of previous fallen knights.
Yes, one or two other ladies have crossed the knight's heart before, but one by one, fate takes them away before any affection can blossom. The knight is still wary even though they cross his heart, for there is still the deep scar that ripped through him when his previous princess threw him away like stale bread for another knight. As other ladies cross his path, he lets them go. Unsure if his weakened armor can take another blow before it shatters.
Now the knight is aware of an angel watching him. He looks up and wonders what if the Knight asks the Angel to be his princess?
The knight feels really good to be watched by an angel, because he have lost all self-confidence after the episode with his previous princess. He never really thought he was good enough for anyone after that.
Still the knight was wary, past hurt never truly goes away. The scar is eternal.
The angel is sorry to hear that the knight was hurt before. The angel knows that the first cut will be the deepest because she has seen many of her favorite princesses cry their heart out over the knights that didn't know how to cherish them.
The angel was hurt by love before, but not the painful way of being discarded. Circumstances didn't allow them to be together because the knight was actually another prince. He was her first love and it was nearly a decade before she removed him completely from the heart. The prince was in love with her; the angel couldn't believe it but knew that it was a love she had to sacrifice. So the angel learnt the very difficult way back then that sometimes when you love someone, you just need to let him or her go. To the angel, if people that mattered to her were happy, she would then be happy. She knew that the knight would be hurt by the societal stereotypes biased against him that were strongly held by her family so she detached herself away from him with great difficulty by telling him that he was too good for her and deserved a better princess.
That knight made the angel change for the better when he was with her. He was her motivation then. But the angel is certain that the next time she sees the prince, she wants to see him happily married with a princess and having a good life because he deserved it. The angel kind of figured out that she most problems had to have a dragon as a companion then. Which is why when the knight came along and told her that he found someone, she was willing to sacrifice her love for him because she knew that the knight would be very happy if he had the princess of his dreams.
The knight was everything that the angel thought a knight should be. She thought that having such a perfect knight falling for her would be wishful thinking. She was already very grateful that he saw her as a friend so she decided to leave it up to the knight on how he wants their relationship to be. The angel probably knew so much about the knight because he was never pretentious.
The Angel felt like she's the luckiest Angel in the world to be called his angel. She had many friends who were dumped and never had the courage to trust their judgment again or to love another person again and she's so fortunate that someone as beautiful as her knight willing to trust her.
She's certain that there is a place for her in his heart and that she'll always treasure that. Though, the future is full of uncertainties but she knows that she's willing to wait for him. Time will be the best judge of their relationship. Anything can happen in the future but she has faith that theirs will last and if it really lasts, she'll know who'll be her prince then. To her, she doesn't need to see the person everyday in order to sustain her interest in him.
Once he's in her heart, she will love him.
The knight looks towards the future, wondering what lies in hold for him.
He decides it's better to wait.
...May be continued.
(Based on a true and original story. Not written by one person, since it takes two people to write this story it may or may not be continued.)
4:26 AM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
After attempting to sit down on my butt and study yesterday was a vailant attempt but not quite in vain. I couldn't resist adding another entry to this blog.
Lets see, I wasted a lot of time yesterdayI think, hardly studied much and definitely didn't cover my intended study timetable that I've planned for today, well today is only Thursday I still have 5 more days right? But this is the start of complacency, I hope tomorrow I will be able to cover more content, it actually isn't much, I just have to sit my ass down for another 10 to 20 hours or so and it'll be all over.
Anyway, I finished the Tom Clancy novel yesterday, a little disappointing, shallow plot progression, sudden scene jumps with little or no link, the rest is just his plain talent at joining up the events together but this book is really poor compared to his previous bests. I give it a 3 1/2 out of 5, and the ending is quite abrupt too. =( If you want to ask me about Tom Clancy books, feel free to do so, I've read every book of his already. His best is Executive Orders and Red Rabbit and maybe the sum of all fears or the cardinal of the kremlin.
Anyway, these few days I'll be at home mugging for my exams, sitting my ass in a chair practically the whole day. But yesterday I didn't, today I managed to get some exercise, a few kilometers for warm up and a few hundred sit ups, but nothing overly strenuous, not even a proper split, probably because I've already lost my physical momentum since FYP. I hope I will be able to regain that after the exams in preparation for NS.
I covered some chapters for 2 of my modules and recent events have caused some thoughts to have unfolded in my mind, well, I hope I get over this soon, I still have 3 exam papers to sit for, maybe after that during the holidays, I will be able to finally take a breather after completing the race and continue writing philosophical entries about life and such.
Whenever I see school kids in uniform playfully horsing around or the minority few ones looking very serious. You could tell- they all looked bright, but not as bright as they thought they were, and they were a little too loud, a little too confident in themselves. That was one of the advantages of being children - much as they would have detested that appellation- kids whose needs were still looked after by loving parents, albeit at a comfortable distance.
To me, it was a humorous look at what I've remembered been only a few short years ago, before the harsh realities of life and the experience in the real world had turned me into something else. Exactly what, I am not yet sure. What had seemed so simple in school had become infinitely complex after leaving the academic womb.
The world was not digital, after all - it was an analog reality, always untidy, always with loose ends that could never be tied up neatly like shoelaces, and so it was possible to trip and fall with every incautious step. And caution only came with experience with a few trip-and-falls that brought pain, only the worst of which taught remembered lessons. Those lessons had come early to me. Not as early as they'd come to other generations, but still soon enough for me to realize the consequences of errors in a world that had never learned to forgive.
I've attempted to write an article about "Life" before, the more I wrote, the more I knew what I'd written was inadequate and incomplete, the more I understood myself and my life, the more I realized I could never finish what I had started. The more I wrote, the less convincing it was, the more messy it got, the more I didn't believe in what I was trying to write in that particular entry.
It has gotten so long and so complex that I gave it up, that was because everyday I was learning something new and new, and each day, that added to what I've learnt, some good, most bad. But that was all in a nutshell, that is "LIFE", and my entire diary is the proof of it, my entire diary is about MY LIFE. Something very dear, and nearly impossible to summarize, but something everyone has to live through and learn from their mistakes and pick themselves up when they fall.
I went through the same growing up pains everyone has to go through, the innocence of childhood, the playfulness through primary school, the harsh realities of growing up adolescence, the inevitable clashes and friction with parents, the immaturities of secondary school and life expectations, the childish ambitions and stupid pranks, then came the transition into teenage-hood and along came with the infatuation, attraction and the eventual pain of relationships and the learning of truth, the gradual work expectations and the politics in the workplace and the gradual realization of the meaning of life and the direction that you wish to take and then you steer yourself towards it, encountering each obstacle and conquering it one by one, hopefully we've managed to find our meaning in this crazy, ruthless, unforgiving, injustice world where there is little or no fairness. But that's life.
The more you learn, the more you think you understand that you don't. The more you ask, the less you get, you live your life in ignorance, but when the truth of reality hits, it hits hard. Well, what more can I say? Everyday my work about LIFE is added another entry, it's a never-ending, ever-continuous piece of work that is truly and solely mine that will never end.
That's LIFE. My diary is MY LIFE and that explains why I am having so much trouble trying to write an entry just about LIFE. Why? That's because everyday I am adding more content about LIFE! MY LIFE!
This may really be my last entry until next week.
7:34 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Today I woke up surprisingly early, it is not unusual, but highly rare considering how late (or early) i slept yesterday. So it off to my notes it was. I am already losing my steam for this examination. And it's the last and final thrust to end my polytechnic education. But it's like after running 3 quarters of a marathon, you just lose the steam to continue even though you see the finishing line.
Anyway, today is probably the last lesson that I am going to have before my exams, and he gracefully let me finish the stage. But I don't think I'll see him again. They're all not exactly perfect, but so far relatively patient and willing to teach but not critisize overly. Maybe a minor tinge of regret involve having not started earlier. It's a little bit too late to look back now.
I've finished 3 novels in 2 weeks, Keith Douglas's Seal Team, a movie adaptation TWISTED and now I am hungrily devouring The Teeth of the Tiger by Tom Clancy, his attempt at trying to show terrorism is the war waged in this world today, but I think his work really pales since RED RABBIT and EXECUTIVE ORDERS. Their books have paled in content and i think I have to start looking for more intellectually stimulating books or novels.
I think this is going to be the last entry for 2 weeks for the duration of my examination. So this will be a temporary hiatus whilst I begin the final cramming for the 3 papers that I will be taking next week.
Still I am busy, and I don't have time to write philosophical entries and rants about life, I guess I will only resume doing that after my exams a week or so from now.
Cheerio.
2:03 AM
Sunday, February 19, 2006
By the way, I've decided to get the HP PSC 1610!
The previous two printers have lost the race. Awww too bad! This swanky new printer can do whatever the previous two printers can do and also boasts a whole lot of other features such as scanning, photo-copying in full colour, and direct photo printing from memory cards with the on-board 2-line LCD screen.
Talk about COOL.
Unfortunately the Vivera inks cost $64 for the color cartriage and $49 for the black. OUCH!
7:43 AM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The time seemed to pass very slowly this week. We took the last lessons that we'll ever take in Ngee Ann, everyone seemed at a loss what to do now Post-FYP, everyone seemed to be milling about and taking photos with no objective in sight.
Today I feel quite lost. I just woke up early in the morning and I didn't know what to do. Why do I feel so down, I really really felt very lousy throughout the whole of today. Why? I was monotone throughout the whole day in the ghostly project room with no one around. I spent some time unpacking drawers and cleaning out all the boxes of components to prepare for the project Passover. I just kept feeling so down today. It wasn't depression. It was just "down" plain and simple. I felt I could fight off a dozen men with superior musculature than me.
I am leaving the comm. I am leaving... Just leaving la! Don't know why I feel so lifeless today.
Don't even know why i am writing this for.
6:53 AM
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Alright, when my good ol HP deskjet died, it's time to find a new replacement. These are the two finalist in my grueling requirements.
The finalists are Epson Stylus C87 @ $138, and the Canon Pixma IP4000R @ $219. Now who will emerge the winner and win the FX-reccomended award? New tests to be carried out before the finalist results will be released!
Some technical info about these finalists.
Epson C87
-22ppm top speed (more is better)
-3Pl droplet size (smaller is better)
-DURAbrite waterproof prints
-borderless A4 and photo printing
-Thinktanks
Canon Pixma 4000R
-25ppm top speed
-2Pl droplet size
-Ethernet equipped
-Pictbridge connectivity
-DVD/CD-R printing
-Photoprinting utility and software
-Auto-duplex paper feeder
-Thinktanks
6:59 AM
Friday, February 10, 2006
Lets see how I am going to write this entry, the week was filled with the hustle and bustle of preparing for the technofair project exhibition and Thursday was the first day of the, it was a big major event and booths set up all over the place, the 2 days (Thur and Friday) was filled with all sorts of surprises, most of it pleasant.
The main thing that we were awaiting for was the examiner review, and it went quite well. Those who went into the review are the A-grade cases for evaluation for either an ordinary A or a distinction. Several visitors expressed interest and intrigue, and were even impressed.
I was approached by several prominent lecturers requesting me to continue my project post-graduation at school so that it can be made into a product.
But after all that I've been through and the hours spent, somehow the sense of achievement has been dulled by the pressure that has been felt.
Well, I found out that they told my supervisor that I was an award recipient. But when questioned why I kept mum, even though it made them proud, I just didn’t know how to reply. When I learnt that another classmate won a even more prestigious award, I decided to keep quiet, after what is my cert compared to his?
Actually, with everyone getting awards left right and centre, my classmates getting multiple awards, she having gotten twice top student, another group writing papers, and my buddy winning 2 prizes, honestly I did feel inferior.
But now I am told that I've won an award, we won a merit prize for our lifesaver watch project and only today was I told that our booths were supposed to have been at the Atrium and there was a mistake, how was I supposed to feel?Maybe the person who told me that I've won something was trying to console me. Actually I don't even know whether I won anything or not because it was told to me by mouth, so to reduce the damping disappointment, I am going to assume I have not won anything, I guess there is a certain level of fairness in this world, you'll know if you deserve it or not.
I didn't feel the usual elation, but still there's this lingering sense of disappointment when I was at the prize giving ceremony seeing everyone step forward to receive their awards.
Anyway, after Thursday, was the BME meeting. Well, the meeting was eventful, and we managed to solve many issues and things were done. Finally we're getting somewhere again after a long post-xmas hiatus. I had a very supportive committee and I am very happy with that. Very soon I'll be stepping down from my post as a Chairman and I hope the new committee will be able to take the reigns smoothly.
Gosh, in the blink of an eye 3 years has passed. And I just realized that we still don't know a lot of each other. it's a pity and we're now into our last week at school before graduation.
My pals and I left school and went to Bugis because I wanted to buy a printer from SLS, I had my eye set on the Canon Pixma IP3000, but when we arrived there, every shop was out of stock and one salesman even told me it was a discontinued product. For a techno-informed like me, that was a major blow. How can I not know something like this! For a second I didn't know how to react and that was so exceedingly embarrassing. Now I have to do my research and budgeting all over again.
Then we treated ourselves to a fine dinner to conclude the completion of our projects.
My partner and I at our booth.
7:43 PM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
The Day of Lightsabers
Suddenly one day, due to project stress, my partner whipped out her lightsaber...
... and demanded all the vitasoy from a classmate.
Then another friend of mine ignited her lightsaber as well!
My partner loved the new lightsaber colour, is it in fashion?
Everyone wanted to borrow the lightsabers and Nic went on a rampage!
The BME-jedi order was formed..
Oh No! A lightsaber fight! May the force be with you!
The overwhelmed sith consumed her own life.
The oppression of the sith will never return! Good triumphs over evil!
Of course, I have my own lightsaber too..
You don't want to be near us when we get too stressed over our project! (see my lecturer standing far behind me).
But of course, we use our powers to complete our project board for the exhibition tomorrow...
May the force be with you...
3:47 AM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Firstly this week has been crazy. Let me summarize the week's activities.
Monday was Chu yi, and was pretty much spent on assignments and projects, Tuesday saw alot of time wasted and an initial plan not carried out due to changes in time slots and time restrictions. I found out that my HP 840c Deskjet printer is breaking down. I think the roller gears broke, after serving me for more than 8 years, it's broken down probably due to the negligence of my siblings. I've set my eye on the Pixma 4200 or 3000 by canon. Just that I don't have the time to go and get it. Bad luck come in groups.
Wednesday was filled with classes and things that called for my attention, however I was still stuck in the bme centre trying to do my other projects. My classmates left really early and by 4pm I was the only one left in my centre. I don't know how to describe how i felt. I seem to be envious of the lives that other people are leading. Like going overseas for shopping trips and taking loads of photos, or having that special darling to pass the time together. I miss all that.
TKD did little to bring relief but the rest of the day was spent on the demo rehearsal before having another solo dinner. Some people just can't understand the concept of "eating alone", and I must be getting old, I seem to be sleeping earlier and earlier. Does 2am seem earlier?
Thursday was the first day of the NP openhouse and there were bazaar stalls already set up, but the morning was filled with assignments. There's only 2 weeks left of school and we'll each be leaving our separate ways. The demo was met with applause, but it wasn't without it's hiccups.
Friday came many decisions to make and choices to choose. Each with it's pros and cons. I felt lethargic mentally and active physically. My mood was less than exemplary. Actually I don't really know why, but I just felt like that.
When I went home, all the nasty thoughts were coursing through my mind in an endless loop like a broken record. She's becoming more and more like her traitor friends. I doubt if I've ever been truly seen as a friend in their eyes. I started thinking of really nasty thoughts, and that effectively spoilt my mood completely.
I guess all I can do now is to just bottle it up. As for my projects, I received a lot of commendations by others on my achievements, my project work, all my past endeavors. But when does modesty become inferior complex? It didn't seem important anymore. After all there's only so much pressure one can take.
Saturday was the beginning of my IRONMAN battery drain. The morning was TKD training, then I had to clear some issues had another solo lunch before heading for home for a quick change then heading to my lecturer's place till the evening, and at 8 I went for the NUS Bike quest 2006. My team consisted of 4 members including I.
I met 2 other people I knew, one of them was ex-nptkd, and another was a bme junior who was in the NP cycling team and they're competing with NUS and RP in the competitive category. It was a check-point type cycling race, but overall it was pretty much on our own. We cycled from 10pm till 5.30am at Dawn.
We cycled practically throughout the whole central area of Singapore, from ECP to Changi, to Guillamard, to Nicoll, throughout CBD, to Orchard, to Redhill, Outram, Clark Quay, Kallang and back to ECP. Some scenary photos
From top to bottom, A boat fire off Benjamin Shears Bridge taken at Clifford Pier, Clifford Pier itself, and a scene taken from Merdeka Bridge on Nicoll Highway taken at 2.30am.
RP won 1st and 2nd, NUS 3rd, NP nothing.
I reached home at about 8.15am, rested for a while. Then went out again after a short tiff with dad. It's the same usual thing.
We did alot of things, planned activities, booked dates and organized future events. I can't wait to leave NP. Only 2 weeks left. I want to leave all the unhappy memories behind. I reached home back at 7pm, dinner and begun typing this entry. The time now is 9.22pm.
Since Friday morning 7am, I've been awake till now, Friday's activities, till Saturday, till now. I've been effectively awake for 72 hours. I'm not sure how much more abuse my body can take. But It's doing fine so far.
Anyway, up till now I don't know why students want to come to Ngee Ann, I know my ctss juniors all wanted to come to np instead of sp because np is so "cool", what's so cool about np? The facilities are old and it's a very stressful place compared to any other polytechnic in Singapore, I think sp and nyp is so much cooler!
But that of course, is my own perspective.
4:57 AM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I must be getting old, i seem to be sleeping earlier and earlier. I feel so tired, I think I'll hit the sack before 12 tonight.
Today was the rehearsal. Nothing, much, still feel as lost as before. After all I am the only one left in the centre at 4pm! It's nuts la. Even my lecturer asked me why I am still there when there's no one left. Maybe I hope my project will miraculously complete by itself for the technofair?
Argh. The rules have changed.
6:35 AM
