Wednesday, February 22, 2006
After attempting to sit down on my butt and study yesterday was a vailant attempt but not quite in vain. I couldn't resist adding another entry to this blog.
Lets see, I wasted a lot of time yesterdayI think, hardly studied much and definitely didn't cover my intended study timetable that I've planned for today, well today is only Thursday I still have 5 more days right? But this is the start of complacency, I hope tomorrow I will be able to cover more content, it actually isn't much, I just have to sit my ass down for another 10 to 20 hours or so and it'll be all over.
Anyway, I finished the Tom Clancy novel yesterday, a little disappointing, shallow plot progression, sudden scene jumps with little or no link, the rest is just his plain talent at joining up the events together but this book is really poor compared to his previous bests. I give it a 3 1/2 out of 5, and the ending is quite abrupt too. =( If you want to ask me about Tom Clancy books, feel free to do so, I've read every book of his already. His best is Executive Orders and Red Rabbit and maybe the sum of all fears or the cardinal of the kremlin.
Anyway, these few days I'll be at home mugging for my exams, sitting my ass in a chair practically the whole day. But yesterday I didn't, today I managed to get some exercise, a few kilometers for warm up and a few hundred sit ups, but nothing overly strenuous, not even a proper split, probably because I've already lost my physical momentum since FYP. I hope I will be able to regain that after the exams in preparation for NS.
I covered some chapters for 2 of my modules and recent events have caused some thoughts to have unfolded in my mind, well, I hope I get over this soon, I still have 3 exam papers to sit for, maybe after that during the holidays, I will be able to finally take a breather after completing the race and continue writing philosophical entries about life and such.
Whenever I see school kids in uniform playfully horsing around or the minority few ones looking very serious. You could tell- they all looked bright, but not as bright as they thought they were, and they were a little too loud, a little too confident in themselves. That was one of the advantages of being children - much as they would have detested that appellation- kids whose needs were still looked after by loving parents, albeit at a comfortable distance.
To me, it was a humorous look at what I've remembered been only a few short years ago, before the harsh realities of life and the experience in the real world had turned me into something else. Exactly what, I am not yet sure. What had seemed so simple in school had become infinitely complex after leaving the academic womb.
The world was not digital, after all - it was an analog reality, always untidy, always with loose ends that could never be tied up neatly like shoelaces, and so it was possible to trip and fall with every incautious step. And caution only came with experience with a few trip-and-falls that brought pain, only the worst of which taught remembered lessons. Those lessons had come early to me. Not as early as they'd come to other generations, but still soon enough for me to realize the consequences of errors in a world that had never learned to forgive.
I've attempted to write an article about "Life" before, the more I wrote, the more I knew what I'd written was inadequate and incomplete, the more I understood myself and my life, the more I realized I could never finish what I had started. The more I wrote, the less convincing it was, the more messy it got, the more I didn't believe in what I was trying to write in that particular entry.
It has gotten so long and so complex that I gave it up, that was because everyday I was learning something new and new, and each day, that added to what I've learnt, some good, most bad. But that was all in a nutshell, that is "LIFE", and my entire diary is the proof of it, my entire diary is about MY LIFE. Something very dear, and nearly impossible to summarize, but something everyone has to live through and learn from their mistakes and pick themselves up when they fall.
I went through the same growing up pains everyone has to go through, the innocence of childhood, the playfulness through primary school, the harsh realities of growing up adolescence, the inevitable clashes and friction with parents, the immaturities of secondary school and life expectations, the childish ambitions and stupid pranks, then came the transition into teenage-hood and along came with the infatuation, attraction and the eventual pain of relationships and the learning of truth, the gradual work expectations and the politics in the workplace and the gradual realization of the meaning of life and the direction that you wish to take and then you steer yourself towards it, encountering each obstacle and conquering it one by one, hopefully we've managed to find our meaning in this crazy, ruthless, unforgiving, injustice world where there is little or no fairness. But that's life.
The more you learn, the more you think you understand that you don't. The more you ask, the less you get, you live your life in ignorance, but when the truth of reality hits, it hits hard. Well, what more can I say? Everyday my work about LIFE is added another entry, it's a never-ending, ever-continuous piece of work that is truly and solely mine that will never end.
That's LIFE. My diary is MY LIFE and that explains why I am having so much trouble trying to write an entry just about LIFE. Why? That's because everyday I am adding more content about LIFE! MY LIFE!
This may really be my last entry until next week.
7:34 PM
