Friday, August 31, 2007
Finally the week has come to a close, and I felt that I've made some really stupid mistakes throughout the week, and although the week has ended, it's time to do that little bit of self checking and self-reflection. I felt that throughout the week, I've made several social-EQ errors, treading on toes that I would require later. Although I think they are really f***ed up, after deeper thinking, I realize that those toes are vital to a smooth journey for the last lap of my NS stint in unit
I ended up getting tips from a "man", but I should be really thankful that it is my own guys that are the ones making the extra effort to approach and socialize with me.
This is what he had to say, to build relationship with the specs and men, dun draw a line at the rank. That I have to be careful of the way I speak or say something... Because there are some thing people are saying about me. Well, things like they don't really like my tone when I speak to them about stuff. Do I? Maybe I do, maybe I don't, I never really thought about myself as some very high-ranking guy, just doing my job. I don't go around throwing my weight..!
I can sense that current batch of specs do show some concept for me, but they are really screwed up themselves, always only bothered with getting offs and leaves, holing up in their bunks sleeping or playing with their PSPs.
As what he has said, he knows honestly they don't really seem all that helpful. I don't really harp on this because they are going to ord soon.
Then come the problem with the officers. I always thought my colleague is f***ed up, he's really dumb and stupid sometimes, and in AFS I could tolerate him because we weren't directly working with each other, but now in unit, he seems to be always slacking and I always seem to be working so much harder than him, yet he's getting all the offs. So tell me, what way is that jerk better than me?
Here there is no rank, just NSF helping each other out, and... you will have to work with these ppl sooner or later. Well... this is the mentality to work with, however I shouldn't mean dun forget to exercise rank when really needed but honestly, we are all NSFs with different responsibilities, just that I get it a lot harder as an officer. However not all men/specs will sympathize with your position, but if you understand their position, they'll take effort to understand mine. Is that so?
I didn't really agree with this philosophy, but it still made sense. I can choose follow his view and lead an easier life in unit, or be authoritative as in a "military" organization and lose my guys later on in life. Somehow my personality inclines towards the second option, I can't be "soft" on my guys or they'll walk all over you, which is somehow what I am experiencing now, based on my NPCC experience, sometimes the "hard" way is the way to get things done. But now after 5 months in 3Da, I'm beginning to learn that that is the opposite of being true, people here are still unwilling conscripts and I am stuck in the center, I have got to approach them the soft- public relations method if I want to get things done without them alienating away from me or bearing grudges. I really hate this method but I have no choice. The people here want to be treated equally regardless of rank, which is really just for show if you are an NSF. Sigh. If I go the hard way, the guys will already be alienating and I will be burning bridges instead of building them, and even if that's the way I want it to go, I am only going to make things more difficult for myself. I can handle it myself, but why make things difficult? I have to swallow my face and pride as an officer in unit. It's really a screwed up place to work in.
I think after thinking through the weeks events, the first option is a better choice, I should start treating the specs as colleagues, open up your difficult position to them but dun sound needy, sound like you know what they are going through kinda thing, and even if they are ord-ing, there are some things they are quite willing to help you with if you ask nicely and focus on the trainees more for now, since they'll be with you a lot longer.
This week is a complete failure of my EQ... First I shouted at a fellow officer, yes he's a complete jerk and I can easy work without him, but that will be giving extra work for myself, and for what? As much as I want to fuck him and whack the shit out of him, it's only counter-productive and will give me extra headache in the long run, with temporal satisfaction.
I find it a tenacious balance of both EQ and IQ to be stuck in-between the Captains and regulars, at the same time maintain a working professional and social relationship with the NSF men and specs in my charge. How to be professional as a 2LT when you got to approach your men using the soft approach all the time? I know the military has just the same kind of office politics as the business world, but the nature of our job calls for decisive action that sometimes requires forceful orders, not molly-cuddling. It's hard to maintain that mask everyday, but that's 3Da, and that's my NS working life now. I am not that stupid ain't I? I like to think that way, but that would mean I have to refine my way and my methods of approaching the guys in Alpha from now on.
One of my corporals mentioned now that he is helping out to take the trainees, he really wants to help take and instruct the trainees, and he now knows how a commander feels, on one hand, they are your men and you want the best for them by being really nice to them, on the other hand, you have no choice but to punish them when they fail to achieve certain important requirements and make serious mistakes. Yet, you can't bear to unleash that full bout of punishment because not only are they your men, you will be working with them professionally later on. If you are too soft, they'll walk all over you; if you are too harsh, they'll isolate themselves and you'll find it hard to get their cooperation later on. But a line has to be drawn.
Sigh.
It's teacher's day today, and almost the whole unit is going for a Cohesion day. But I didn't go, I have to stay back to conduct GPMG lessons for the trainees. So I was solo again, teaching the trainees everything about the GPMG solo, I am very comfortable with that weapon, one of my favorite weapons. So it was all fresh in my head, I taught them the stripping assembling, the 5 IA drills, followed by ending the day with a PT lesson by me.
I think I am overworking. Why am I working so hard when everyone else around me is so relaxed, is it just me? Or am I right to think that way?
Well... you are working hard probably that's the way you have usually been (whether due to ideals or fear of losing credibility to the people around you). When you are in unit, you will start to see that it is all a scam, you work hard but people rarely recognizes your hard work, since most stuff are behind the scene which half of it are unnecessary crap.
When it's finally time to book out, my brain was churning events throughout the whole journey back home. I've been thinking a lot, throughout the week, am I acting even worse than an unschooled and uncivilized person?
5:00 AM
